She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
