i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
