I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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