she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
nutella sex= disaster
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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