I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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