Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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