i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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