Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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