A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
