There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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