i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
