Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
