Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
