I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
