I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
