I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
