my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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