I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
