i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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