dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Someone came in the potted fern
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
