she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
