I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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