She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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