when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
