I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
