The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
