3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
