Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Come on in and take your pants off
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