My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
