How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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