I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
