Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
