I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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