help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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