I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
