You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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