I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
