i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
