if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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