Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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