Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
