why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
