why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
