I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
