if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
