I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
