every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
