I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
