He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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