I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
