Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm going to jail i love you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
