fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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