Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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