I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
