He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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