Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
