walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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