You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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