It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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