I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
