An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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