perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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