i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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