My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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