I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
