They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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