I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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