if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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