Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
