You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
