she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
