Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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