My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
