Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
