you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
