Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
