What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
