She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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